Never Knew What I didn’t Know Until-

You are 24 or 25 years old and you have been schooled in Hebrew, Greek (maybe even Aramaic), Christian Education, Theology, Soteriology, Preaching Techniques, the Eucharist, Christology, Weddings, Funerals, and coffee making/drinking. You can even accurately map the complete journeys of Paul and Jesus (yes, I know Paul and Jesus didn’t go anywhere together). The first Sunday’s sermon is in the bag ready to be delivered in just the right tone with the right pauses and humorous notes. Sinners will be saved and you will become a saint. You get to the church 30 minutes early to meet and greet. You are ready! but wait . . .

The first Sunday and the doors are all locked. You don’t have a key yet. You won’t be able to make the special coffee roast you brought. You won’t be able to lay the doughnuts you brought out in a pleasing array. It is 43 Degrees and you are in a wind breaker. Your hands are growing numb from carrying your Bible, your sermon notes, the coffee and the doughnuts. You worry that the heating isn’t on in the sanctuary yet. Just then a homeless person in short sleeves with a knit cap arrives and asks for help with getting gas for their car to go get medications for their child. You left your checkbook at home and have only a $50 bill and lint in your pocket. What do you do?

The first Sunday is in the books. The back pews were full but otherwise the attendance was just so-so for your introduction. You were reassured that more people would be there next week. Your sermon was brilliant. It was so inspirational that the sinners are going to have to digest it more before confessing their sins and lying prostrate before the sanctuary cross. You had coffee with the church leaders. It wasn’t your special roast but it was drinkable. It turns out most of the congregation are diabetic so you have 10 doughnuts to take home and eat stale. All in all it wasn’t a bad start. Mental note: Have the baptismal always filled half full with water for the converted sinners. As the doors are about to be locked Mary Jones comes up waving her bulletin and proceeds to show you all of the typos and tell you her suggestions for rearranging the order of worship and selecting the music. What do you do?

You start sermon preparation for the second Sunday on the evening of the first Sunday. This one is going to be even better than the first. There are lots of topics swirling in your mind. The baptism of the Ethiopian eunuch by Thomas might reaffirm to the sinners what their choice must be. The three denials of Christ by Peter might help the leaders become more committed to lead in holier directions. Better not use the day of pentecost tongues of fire, it might start them speaking in tongues and raising their hands. Mental Note: Avoid the early verses of Acts 2, even on Pentecost Sunday. The phone rings. It is Ralph Walker. He tells you that there is a broken water line in the church and the water in the sanctuary is up to knee high on the lectern. Since Monday is a holiday, the plumber can’t come until Tuesday at the earliest. Ralph has to leave right after he shuts the water off to go to his Aunt Louise’s house to sit with her cat over the holiday while she is at bingo. What do you do?

Here it is Monday, a holiday. Still no plumber, but Sue and Jacob Lemon know someone who knows someone and they will get back with you about the water problem. Mental note: Buy some waders. The sermon has fallen upon writer’s block. It’s not Christmas or Easter, so there is a lot of the gospel that is off limits. The feeding of the five, or four, thousand is always good for talking about miracles that nobody has witnessed in 2000+ years. The Sermon on the Mount is good for Blessings and Woes which might help someone see how their life is better than they think it is. You are not ready yet to use the OT because it’s mainly for the family of Israel, but Proverbs and Psalms might be nice to speak to “Do’s and Don’ts.” C’mon man, pick something. Then you remember, John Dickerson wanted to talk about raising his four grandchildren, of which three are teenagers, and he is 85. Where is that phone list they gave you? What do you do?

It’s Friday and still no sermon. Overnight the heat went out in the house. Mental note: Get another Spurs blanket. Ralph Walker is back. He has met with the plumber and all is going to be ready for Sunday morning, IF the parts come in today as promised. The electricians are all busy until Monday unless the church wants to pay extra for Saturday services. Who is the treasurer again? And where is that darned phone list? Mental Note: Call John Dickerson. Finally settled on the story from Acts 6, the story of the six chosen for the special task of serving tables for the widows with Steven, who is martyred in the last verses. Maybe you can encourage more volunteers – not to be martyred but to serve. Now to just find the words. Drinking a cup of tea with lemon, wrapped in a blanket, tablet in hand, sermon off to a good start. The phone rings. It’s John. One of his teens has run away. What do you do?

Sunday morning again. The Dickerson teen finally came home because it was so cold and her friend’s mom said she had to call mom or leave. She was too embarrassed to tell her friend’s mom that she had no mom that cared whether she froze or not, so she went back to granddad’s house. John wants to bring her in to talk to you. The sermon needs some finishing touches but you can hand write them at the church. Pack up the special roast, grab doughnuts on the way, and off to the church. The doors are already unlocked. Ralph took care to come early. The two coffee makers are gurgling. Oh well, save the special roast for yet another Sunday. The doughnuts, especially the one’s with sprinkles and cinnamon sugar, are a big hit, even with the diabetics. A different homeless person in short sleeves with a knit cap arrives and asks for help with getting gas for their car to go get medications for their child. The water in the sanctuary is gone but the sanctuary stinks of wet carpet so today’s worship will be in the fellowship hall. Good news in a way, since there are no back pews maybe the congregants will be forced to sit and talk with someone new before the service starts. Since we are not in the sanctuary, the sinners have decided to wait another Sunday so they can kneel before the cross. Lying prostrate before the sanctuary cross has to be postponed until the carpet is replaced. Everyone seemed to like the sermon, well at least they all smiled as they left. Mary Jones is back, waving her bulletin and displeased that the worship committee didn’t commit to her proffered changes.

You take the evening off. You’ve earned it. But you WILL start sermon prep EARLY Monday. It is still very cold in the house. The second Spurs blanket is working well now that you’ve switched to hot chocolate. What am I goin to say to John’s teenage granddaughter? What can you do?

Looking back. Seminary did not prepare you for the real life aspect of being a pastor/preacher/teacher/administrator/counselor/parental figure. The actual time using seminary skills this past week has been only the few hours in sermon preparation and the few minutes in actually preaching. Maybe the second week will be still and quite so I can produce the award-winning sermon intended for today. Wait! There’s a funeral Tuesday. What can you do?

NEXT: Why didn’t Seminary have some accounting classes?